Put a precise verb near the beginning of each sentence

Here is the beginning of a sentence adapted from an article about decontaminating polluted soil that I helped to edit:
  
"Higher effectiveness of removal of both metals in soil X than in soil Y..."

How do you think the sentence ends?

Maybe like this: 
"Higher effectiveness of removal of both metals in soil X than in soil Y...was probably due to the fact that more of the metals were in mobile fractions in soil X than in soil Y."

Or this: 

"Higher effectiveness of removal of both metals in soil X than in soil Y...was achieved with the use of a 3:1 ratio of washing agents A and B."

Or this: 

"Higher effectiveness of removal of both metals in soil X than in soil Y...was observed when the pH of the washing solution was less than 6."

Or something else? The point is, you don't know what the sentence is about until you get to the verb, and in this sentence, we have 14 words with no verb. 

Unlike some other languages, English sentences should have a precise verb near the beginning (e.g. Zeiger 2000, 22-26; Harmon and Gross 2010, 198-211; Schimel 2012, 112-122, 137-140). This makes them easier to understand. English-language sentences that put an imprecise verb at the end are harder to understand and are considered to be in poor style.

The original sentence was like this (with a few minor grammar errors corrected):

"Higher effectiveness of removal of both metals in soil X than in soil Y was noted."

I asked my student to think about what was "noted", and she realized that this vague verb was hiding the real action in the sentence. She improved the sentence like this: 

"Both metals were removed more effectively in soil X than in soil Y."

Notice how this precise verb at the beginning ("were removed") makes the revised the sentence easier to understand, shorter and...more elegant. You should do the same thing in your writing: Avoid using vague verbs like was noted/was achieved/was observed, and put precise verbs near the beginning of each sentence.


REFERENCES:
Harmon, Joseph E., and Alan G. Gross. The craft of scientific communication. University of Chicago Press, 2010.
Schimel, Joshua. Writing science: how to write papers that get cited and proposals that get funded. Oxford University Press, 2012.
Zeiger, Mimi. Essentials of writing biomedical research papers. McGraw-Hill, 2000.